Don’t Be Stubborn – For some reason, it seems to be a lot easier to hold on to the anger and hurt feelings associated with an injustice, and we can become comfortable with the feeling of retribution because we somehow want to punish the person that hurt us. After all, why should we be willing to forgive someone when what that person did or said was not our fault? We feel justified in our anger with the other person, so we feel that we have every right to be stubborn and locked into the position we are taking.

Don’t get stuck on your position for the mere sake of maintaining a position. Be willing to compromise in order to move forward. Stubbornness, like anger keeps us from moving beyond hurt feelings, and it also perpetuates a strained relationship.

Stop Thinking Of Yourself As A Victim – Generally, if we are angry with someone, it is because we feel that they have committed a serious wrong against us. Whether this feeling is real or perceived, we still feel that an injustice has been done, and that we have been treated unfairly. We can’t help but feel sorry for ourselves to some degree, and we expect others to feel sorry for us as well. This is perhaps the classic “victim mentality” which is easy to fall into when we feel an injustice has been done.

While this mentality may be soothing for a short period of time, unfortunately it keeps us from moving beyond the hurt that we feel. We remain caught-up in a state-of-mind that makes us hostile, untrusting and keeps us “looking over our shoulder” for fear that someone else may come along to hurt us.

Focus On The Future – Usually what has been done cannot be undone and dwelling on the past only perpetuates the hurt feelings that resulted from what caused the problem in the first place. Continually bringing up sore points or issues of the past will only make the rift larger.

by Emmett I. Aldrich

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